Single at Sewanee

Graphic by Mary Morrisonby Virginia Boyd and Austin Conger
Staff Writers

Ever wake up alone cuddling with your Pub Granger instead of a hot hookup? We have too. In fact more than 90% of the time we wake up with a significant Granger and not a significant other. Why are so many of us single at Sewanee? Is it because we’ve had “girl on Trez” yelled at us as as we’ve begun our dreaded walk of shame, or is it because we’ve thrown up all over fraternity or sorority staircases, then proceed to slip and fall down that same flight of stairs?

Beverley Catlett (C’16), an old hat when it comes to being single at Sewanee, says she has abandoned all efforts to connect with boys and instead strives to improve her relationship with Camel Blues, a far more rewarding conquest. Catlett is not alone in having the single blues; in fact, this is a phenomenon experienced by many members of this community. Ask Louis Cusano (C’16) and any of the other various fraternity boys who wake up every Sunday morning on the PKE sofa alone because not only were they were too intoxicated to woo a lady the night before, they were also powerless to walk themselves back to their own dorm.

McClurg is a tremendous and crucial stop for all of us here at Sewanee; however, it is impossible to deny that visits to McClurg have the potential to be quite daunting for singles at Sewanee. Even while carelessly browsing your food options, somewhere in the back of your mind the possibility of running into your blackout hookup from the Phi party barn lingers. Most of the time, this “possibility,” whatever it may be, happens. Do you speak to them? Wave? Or just turn the other way and decide that maybe food isn’t for you today? Toast yourself a bagel, grab some coffee, keep your head down, and go to class.

Sewanee students in general form relationships with alcohol before thinking about one with a human being. Random hookups are the norm compared to relationships on the Mountain. It’s rare to be asked on a date to High Point, unless you lost a bet in beer pong at SAE or your friends’ parents are taking you out for a nice meal. Maybe it’s the high altitude?

Living in Wiggins truly will pose an obstacle in the pursuit of finding a lady to take home. Just ask the handsome Jared Zissu (C’16). He spends many nights at The Order looking for his newest hookup, but once they hear he lives in Wiggins their interest dissipates. Waking up to a chaotic house full of firemen on Sunday morning doesn’t sound like a dream come true for any girl. However, once you get to know them they really aren’t that bad. The single gentlemen of Trezevant Hall also struggle to convince the cute freshman girls at SAE that the walk “really isn’t that bad.” After a night of success, however, the average Trezevant resident will inform his companion that he does not own a car, just before wishing her farewell on her trek back to Smith Hall. “Good luck making 9:00 a.m. Calc,” he will say, just before the door clicks shut. “Whatever your name is…”

In an interview with attractive Sewanee gentlemen Logan Rafield (C’16), he shed some light on his experience of being single at Sewanee. He says, “young men andwomen either enter the single life by abandoning a stagnant, passionless swamp of a relationship, or, upon graduating from an all male boarding school, and realizing that those young men with long hair, higher voices, and those weird things in their shirts are in fact not young men at all and should therefore be courted. I’m claiming to have experienced both, and both require confidence for success.” Logan makes a valid point, confidence is key in all aspects of life. Whether you’re toppling foreign dictatorships, exposing the American Military-Industrial complex, or trying to persuade a girl that a walk to Gorgas will not involve severe cold and discomfort, drinks in hastily washed tervis tumbler cups, butchered, reworded jokes, an unsatisfactory performance, and crippling shame – confidence is key.

In relationships, one’s confidence is typically built up by one’s significant other; therefore, when that significant other is no longer relevant, one may suffer from a great loss of confidence. Despite the paralyzing self doubt that being single may cause, many strapping young men and women have a strong grip on their confidence, the world in their eyes, the will to grip the bull by the horns. In these cases, there’s nothing stopping them from fearlessly approaching any young lad or lady in their sights. Actually… no wait that’s alcohol. I’m pretty sure I’ve been talking about alcohol this whole time. In fact, you can replace every instance of the word confidence with alcohol in this soliloquy and it would make as much or even more since.

So, young men and women, if you’re lacking the proper amount of alcohol to approach people, try confidence. If it’s awkward and they turn you down, that’s the worst case scenario. Our advice is to just keep drinking and you, as well as the other individual, probably won’t remember you even had a conversation.

Being single at Sewanee is not something to be looked at negatively. Winston Churchill said it best, as if he were speaking to the entire single Sewanee community, Logan, Jared, and Beverly, “never, never, never give up.”

If you’re still lacking that confidence, imagine that hot guy or gal you’ve been trying to land taking a poo, because honestly they probably aren’t that cool. If that, or alcohol, builds up your confidence perhaps you’ll even convince them to walk back to Gorgas or Trez. Either way, we’re still single so afterwards come tell me how hilariously awkward it was over a beer. So raise your can of PBR high and proud, because this one goes out to all of us single students here at Sewanee.

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