Executive Staff
Aries: It’s fall, y’all! Wear that warm sweater. Listen to “folklore” on repeat. Buy that pumpkin spiced latte. Be the señorita awesome you know you are. Or señor. Or the gender-neutral version of sir/ma’am in Spanish.
Taurus: That decision you’ve been waiting to make? Go with your gut, it’s the first option.
Gemini: Trust me, you are so, so pretty. Forget about that guy who wronged you, and go get that nose ring you’ve been thinking about. Maybe don’t slash his tires though. Maybe.
Cancer: Cancer? I hardly know her!
Leo: Just visualize your best self. Tanned, rich and successful, lounging on the beach with the sun on your face. It will happen.
Virgo: You will ace that midterm, with only minimal crying in the duPont library.
Libra: Go to the dog park, and pet some dogs. A parent on Family Weekend told me the University has a dog park next to Lake Cheston. Isn’t that so adorable?
Scorpio: You are slightly dangerous, but you probably like that. Treat yourself to some Redbull.
Sagittarius: Sagittarius? They hardly know us!
Capricorn: You are one special specimen, hon. Go flaunt that power like the star you are.
Aquarius: Aquarius? They hardly know— oops, we already did that one.
Pisces: You disgust me.