This. Is. Sparty.

by Lucy Hebb

It’s that time of year: freshmen are hauling mysterious brown bags that probably weigh more than they do up the stairs of your dorm. Your neighbor is digging out that dress that she’s been saving for when it is—and it probably still isn’t—warm enough to wear. Everyone is getting in one last work out because, let’s be real, it’s not gonna happen this weekend. A weathered and disoriented version of that guy from your Macroeconomics class is trudging down University Avenue, still in his tux from last night. Every ice machine on campus is empty, the Sewanee Market is out of beer, the mellow sound of a Grateful Dead cover band resonates somewhere in the distance, and you know that Spring Party has arrived.

As far as everyone remembers—just kidding, sort of—Spring Party was a success this year. For Mary Hosch (C’14), the best part was that, “The food at FIJI was awesome and never ending.” An anonymous Sewanee male claims that his favorite memory is “finding out [he] vomited in the bathroom of the BC during the Resident Chaplain pancake breakfast by reading a text message [he] had sent to [his] friend the night before, while leaving [his] dorm as the fire alarm was going off” the next morning. Upon being asked if he wanted to comment on any social events from the weekend, he insisted that, “It becomes social when you text people about it.” Fair enough. In regards to the Buffett Party at SAE, Jimmy Szewczyk (C’15) never realized that girls were so into bongo drums: “I’m getting some as a result.” According to Ali Eleey (C’16), “On Saturday, during the day especially, you could feel the energy of campus, and I liked that everyone from different grades and Greek organizations came together and hung out.” She says that it “shows school unity.” Similarly, Trapp Tubbs (C’16) enjoyed “seeing some friends from home and showing them the ‘Sewanee way.’”

From the Jam Stampede at KA to the Garden Party at the Green House, what could possibly bring you down during Spring Party weekend? An anonymous Sewanee junior remarks that the funeral on Saturday “cramped [the weekend’s] style.” Another insists that she “heard the woman who died was a partier and would have been bummed that the music was delayed because of her burial.” A Sewanee female challenges, “What about the frat-bro who punched someone in his fraternity house Saturday night? I don’t care what the ‘other guy’ was doing; you assaulted someone.” Hey, you gotta fight for your right to SPARTY. Additionally, a Franklin County trooper was perusing through campus on Wednesday night and actually entered a fraternity house, a level of surveillance to which most Sewanee students are not accustomed. In the words of Finley Reeves (C’15), “There’s a new sheriff in town.” A Sewanee junior describes the incident, saying, “My bag was sitting on a bench in SAE, zipped shut. I saw the trooper [open] my bag and take the two glass bottles that were inside. I shouldn’t have had glass, but [the officer] had no reason to check my bag.” Talk about trouble in paradise.

Flash forward to Monday: if your professor has a heart, he isn’t taking attendance today. Everyone’s voice is gone—is this due to allergies or trying to talk over the band at Sigma Nu on Saturday night? Not an iPhone on campus remains intact, student ID cards are strewn across every fraternity house lawn, and the aroma of stale beer still lingers in the breeze, like a wistful memorandum, reminding us, “Sparty was here.”

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