Hide yo kids, hide yo wine

By Katie Kenerly
Junior Editor

Every female’s worst nightmare has finally come true: we have a global wine shortage on our hands. According to a recent study by Morgan Stanley Research, the wine industry is experiencing “an undersupply of 300 million cases” per year, and it doesn’t appear that the situation will improve with time. Global production fell more than 5% last year alone (primarily as a result of bad weather in France and Argentina), and is currently at its lowest level since the 1960s. This is not a drill, ladies (and the select men who enjoy wine enough to get worked up over this situation)! Stockpile your Franzia and hide the Barefoot, because this could get ugly.

Although the industry is still producing wine, the supply is not enough to keep up with the rapidly growing demand. Global wine consumption has been continually on the rise since the 1990s, and those who previously imbibed in liquor or mixed drinks are making the switch to the beverage most preferred by moms everywhere. Speaking of moms, Nancy Kenerly, white wine enthusiast and mother of one, disclosed that she was “sad” about the shortage. Eloquently said, Mom. Eloquently said.

Moms are not the only ones concerned about this disturbing lack of wine, though. Few people love wine as much as college girls, probably in part because of its convenience (boxed wine, duh) and in part because we feel grown-up when we drink it (which we aren’t). Oh, and because it’s delicious. When asked her opinion on the global shortage, Jemi Senoga (C’16) replied, “I’ve already started stocking up! Like, it actually scares me… I hope it’s just a red wine shortage.  I’m not into red wine.” Olivia O’Brien (C’16) had this to say: “I think the global wine shortage is due to the increased awareness of the advantages of drinking wine. It is a shock that there is a wine shortage in the first place and I hope that I will not be directly impacted, but I think this is the sign that the industry needs to grow… I really just better be able to get my wine.” Adele Ewan (C’14) was too distraught to provide a statement.

Though the future of vino seems bleak and uncertain, there is still a glimmer of hope on the horizon. For what it’s worth, one blog maintains that there is in fact no wine shortage at all. A Reuters article claims that the Morgan Stanley team’s “investment thesis is not, particularly, based on the existence of any present or future wine shortage; it’s simply trying to present the idea that demand for Australian wine exports is likely to rise, and to justify the fact that a company called Treasury Wine Estates is the bank’s ‘top Australian consumer pick.’” Regardless of these findings, the majority of statisticians seem to agree that the wine-pocalypse is certainly upon us. In just a few short years, Wine Wednesdays could become extinct, Bota boxes a thing of the past. Stock up now, ladies (and gentlemen?), because the price of wine is sure to rise soon before it begins to fly off the shelves. Don’t get caught empty-handed… and sober!