Sources this Monday revealed that unbeknownst to the majority of campus, there was a secret fundraiser on Shake Day resulting in enormous success. Clyde Summertown III (C’18) was the mastermind behind what is being heralded as the second-most successful fundraiser behind the Stronger Truer Sewanee campaign.
The plan of action relied on the traditional Shake Day festivities occurring on the Greek organizations’ budget in celebration of new members. This left much work to do for the 21-year-olds as with each libation consumed, whether Natural Light or Rolling Rock, Milwaukee’s Best or Classic Lager, would be deposited into a receptacle that would then be transported to the can exchange. While the ten-cent exchange rate may seem undervalued, Clyde’s ingenuity resulted in a negotiated fifteen-cent exchange rate due to the mass quantity that he assured the Greek organizations would deliver unwittingly.
Allegedly, Clyde’s 2001 Chevrolet Suburban XL buckled under the weight of the 16,000 crushed cans, so he had to take three trips. Clyde attributes his success to his upcoming economics degree, his TI-81 calculator, and the 21-year-olds driven by the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood. Over a McClurg lunch meeting, Clyde told The Purple, “I got the idea when I saw the guys in my fraternity throw the cans on the floor – this prompted the question: Is there a better place for those? Then the plan spiraled upwards to where we are today: $24,000 richer.” While we don’t know what Clyde will do with this money or where it will go, we can confirm William Faulkner’s quote that is applicable about Shake Day: “At Sewanee, they don’t even teach you what water is.”
Simon “Throwin” Boes, we need some fact checking here. $24,000 would be 160,000 cans, not 16,000. As an Economics major, I’m ashamed. Please correct this egregious error. Much love, Your Tiger Brethren
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