Chamber of Secrets Opened at Sewanee

Simon Boes

Executive Staff

Sources confirmed that a room similar to the Hogwarts style  “Chamber of Secrets” has been opened at Sewanee unbeknownst to the majority of campus. The incident happened on Saturday night, February 25, 2017.  The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, explained to the Purple, “I know it’s Homecoming weekend and all, but I saw a suspicious amount of dudes wearing Kappa Sigma hoodies going into Guerry Garth, and that frat got kicked off campus what, like fifty years ago?”

The Kappa Sigmas of the 1950s were allegedly suspended for a century due to rerouting a military convoy “as a prank.” Sources elaborated the descendants of Kappa Sigma felt as if this punishment was too brutal and decided to create their own hidden area to carry on fraternal life in secret. Excavators revealed a locked door underneath the stone stage in Guerry Garth. Coincidentally, the old Kappa Sigma house is now the University Archives.

Another point of view, from a first person who stumbled in, is Thomas Larsoniega. The junior explained, “I was stashing some beers because, you know, I can’t bring them into The Pub, and I saw an opening and went to go check it out, but they asked what the handshake was and I just ran away. I think my beers are still there!” The Kappa Sigmas had been on campus the entire duration of their suspension, but in secret. Kappa Sigmas declined to comment on their recent exposure, but Vice-Chancellor McCardell promptly suspended them for another one hundred years. A topic for much speculation, as it is suspected that the men will recreate their fraternity in secret yet again.

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