Fortnite mania enthralls men everywhere


Fortnite. Photo courtesy of

By Taylor Childress
Contributing Writer


Meet Jill. Jill is a hard-working publishing assistant who cherishes every moment of spare time she has, and this evening she has chosen to spend it with her loving boyfriend, Chad. Chad typically makes their date nights special, whether it’s flowers and a picnic in the park, or simply by making her favorite dish. However, tonight Jill is in for a rude awakening.

As of this past week, Chad has discovered a new video game, causing him to go from considerate-boyfriend-Chad to I-haven’t-changed-my-underwear-in-3-days-Chad. Jill enters the apartment building, being led to Chad’s fortress by the wafting scent of last week’s lasagna and greasy pizza boxes. What she finds behind Chad’s door is a fear sweeping across all girlfriends in America—the disturbing influence of Fortnite.

Known as the game that seems to dominate the entirety of the male race, Fortnite has everything that boys desire from a competitive virtual experience. In the game, modern day post-apocalyptic earth has gone from an overpopulated civilization to a society of only 2 percent of the previous populace, where the objective is to find resources and supplies to help fellow survivors withstand the conditions while fighting off man’s natural enemy, flesh-eating zombies.

The best part? These supernatural creatures fell from clouds (yes, clouds), and now humans must leave the safety of their storm shields (that protect them from the zombies, naturally) and venture out in hopes of restoring the earth to its previous state.

The excessive time spent “saving and protecting the human race” is justified by players through the act of being social, which they consider the game to be since you can play on teams with one another.

A direct quote from an anonymous gamer about the camaraderie that players deem apparent states, “It’s social in the aspect of how Nick and I just virtually freakin’ murked this other dude when playing together as a team. We’re just out here trying to save the world, ya know.”

The girlfriend of said gamer, who chooses to remain unidentified, says, “From an outsider’s perspective, it’s been frightening to watch the game consume so many people at such a rapid pace, completely engulfing their internal thought process. They’ve seemed to produce a new outlook on life, a sort of fortnite tunnel-vision. My boyfriend is so absorbed in the Fortnite atmosphere that he essentially speaks another language. It’s terrifying.”

To those few women who have yet to be affected by this extensive realm of domination, let this be a precursor of what is to come from the men in your life. A cure has yet to be found, but some women such as Jill have discovered temporary antidotes by simply unplugging the power source. While this is a rapidly spreading disease among the male species, us as women must stay strong and wait for the trending storm to pass.