Obscenities are used.
Sewanee: a quaint, charming little town where everyone knows your name, or at least your dog’s. You’d think that small-town familiarity would translate into politeness and goodwill, right? Wrong. If you’ve ever worked a shift in the Sewanee service industry, you know the truth: not all that glitters is customer gold. Here are some gems we’ve collected from the front lines, where “Be Nice or Leave” feels less like a suggestion and more like a survival tactic.
Scene 1: A Side of Attitude with THAT Chicken
In walks a customer, eyes locked on the beans and rice she ordered.
Buzzer goes off; she grabs her meal, then storms back in, face scrunched in fury.
“Are you a fucking idiot? Where’s my chicken?”
The cashier blinks, double-checks the ticket (chicken wasn’t ordered, by the way), then calmly adds it. As she hands over the plate, the customer’s friend sneers,
“Don’t let it be that long of a wait ever again.”
Because manners apparently went out with the chicken.
Scene 2: The Curious Case of the Counter Cat
A man strides in with his cat and plops it on the counter to order. The cashier stares, mildly horrified.
“Uh, sir? The cat can’t be on the counter. This is a kitchen.”
He glares back, offended. “Why?”
As he huffs away.
The cashier ponders the wisdom of requiring pet etiquette training for anyone within a 10 mile radius of food prep areas.
Scene 3: The ID Toss and Temper Tantrum
At the local watering hole, an ID check leads to minor mayhem. A woman slaps her ID on the counter, half-covered in her wallet.
“Ma’am, could you pull it out?”
The customer rolls her eyes, throws her ID across the counter, and huffs, “As if I don’t look old enough already!”
Her family watches in silence, shooting the cashier apologetic glances while they shuffle her off like a tantrum-throwing toddler.
Another day, another ID check casualty.
Scene 4: Pizza Math Wars
A man orders a 16” pizza. Moments later, the owner appears, explaining they’re out of the large size but can whip up two 9” pizzas instead.
“That’s not how math works!” he yells. “I want what I ordered!”
“Actually, sir, two 9” pizzas are… well, more pizza.”
The math lesson goes unappreciated as the customer stalks off, no doubt muttering his own equations under his breath.
But yes, that is how math works – plus two inches.
Scene 5: Social Media Study Break
A girl strolls up to the counter, eyes glued to her phone.
“Can I get accounting?” she says, not looking up.
The worker, a bit thrown, asks, “Um… what class is this for?”
The girl glances up briefly, sighing, “Financial accounting, duh.”
Back to her phone. The worker hands over the book, mentally betting on just how much “studying” will get done.
Academia is best served cold with a side of Instagram.
Think you’ve got stories that can top these? We’d love to hear them. Send your tales to spurple@sewanee.edu, and let’s all aim to do better out there.