Obscenities are used.
Sewanee: a quaint, charming little town where everyone knows your name, or at least your dog’s. You’d think that small-town familiarity would translate into politeness and goodwill, right? Wrong. If you’ve ever worked a shift in the Sewanee service industry, you know the truth: not all that glitters is customer gold. Here are some gems we’ve collected from the front lines, where “Be Nice or Leave” feels less like a suggestion and more like a survival tactic.
Scene 1: Soup, Served with a Side of Fury
It’s cold, and people want soup.
One lady orders lasagna soup. The staff makes it, brings it out, and waits for the inevitable glow of satisfaction.
Instead, she storms back up to the counter, her eyes shooting daggers.
“This tastes like lasagna! I want a refund!”
“Ma’am it’s supposed to taste like lasagna. We can’t give you a refund.”
She continues to scream, because apparently, the name didn’t give it away.
If only it had been called “surprise lasagna in soup form,” maybe she would’ve been more prepared.
Scene 2: The Silent Observer’s Commentary
An angry customer is laying into a poor staff member. The table sitting across from the counter starts laughing, clearly enjoying the drama.
“You tell her!”
The laughter intensifies – until other staff members have to jump in to help.
Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Scene 3: The Pickle Saga
It’s Fall Party for students and Homecoming Weekend for alumni. The restaurant is packed.
A lady orders 3 pickles, and a staff member brings them out.
“This is not what I ordered! Who wants a pickle that looks like that?”
“Sorry, this is how our pickles are served.”
“Well, go back into your little kitchen and cut them into spears! It’s not that much work.”
With the restaurant bustling like a beehive, the staff member heads back to cut the pickles. She returns with the new spears.
“See? It wasn’t that hard.”
Right. Because working at a packed restaurant on Homecoming weekend is just a walk in the park – especially when you’re in charge of artisanal pickle-cutting.
Scene 4: The Burnt Fry Drama
A lady approaches the counter, fries in hand. She proceeds to stop the staff – who are swamped with orders – to address the issue.
“These fries are burnt. Can I get them remade?”
“Of course, we’ll take care of that right away.”
The staff dutifully drops new fries in the fryer. When the lady returns:
“I want a refund!”
“Ma’am, the new fries are almost done and will be right out to you.”
“I wanted these fries today, not in 100 years! Now give me my refund!”
“Ma’am, if you want a refund, you’ll have to get in the line – because we only have one register.”
“No! This is ridiculous! Do you see that line?”
At this point, the workers go to fetch their manager.
You know, just another day in paradise.
Scene 5: The Tech-Savvy Shopper
A lady comes in and orders. It’s a DIY payment system, so customers don’t have to hand over their cards.
She can’t figure out the tap feature for payment.
“This is stupid!” she screams, throwing her credit card at the cashier.
“You do it!”
It’s a modern-day tragedy: can’t tap, can’t pay. You’d think she was being asked to solve a rubik’s Cube, not tap a piece of plastic. But hey, why not let the employee do it?
Think you’ve got stories that can top these? We’d love to hear them. Send your tales to spurple@sewanee.edu, and let’s all aim to do better out there.