Simon Boes
Executive Staff
Jennifer Castle, class of 2017, produced one of the biggest blunders the senior class has seen in the last decade. However, with the truth being known only to her roommate and the Purple’s confidant, the class was not aware of the full grasp. The Purple keeps all anonymous information strictly secret.
Jennifer, being a senior, had a presentation in her World Politics class on Thursday at 8 a.m. It being Wednesday night, and also girl’s night, she made her decision to drink wine with the girls and watch every Leonardo DiCaprio movie they could before 1 a.m. This allowed her to wake up at 5:30 and complete her project – a strategy she had perfected junior year with the help of energy drinks.
True to her word, Jennifer woke at 5:30 and resumed work on her project. Jennifer’s roommate woke dazed, used to this behavior. Jennifer blindly reached into the refrigerator and blindly grabbed the can she presumed to be Rockstar brand Energy drink. Then, she cranked out work regarding the discrepancy between country’s sovereignty. However, Jennifer’s roommate reported strange behavior about 5:50. Jennifer allegedly reached for another one, citing that she was feeling sleepy – contrary to Rockstar’s purpose.
Jennifer’s battle-hardened tastebuds did not taste exactly what she was drinking. Unbeknownst to Jennifer, she was on her second Four Loko: an energy drink that also contains copious amounts of alcohol. The clock struck 7:00 and this allowed for Jennifer’s roommate to wake up and exclaim, “What are you doing? It’s not Spring Party.”
A brief conference between the two roommates allowed the situation to be clarified. Jennifer had actually consumed two Four Lokos instead of Rockstars. However, with 20% of her grade relying on this presentation; she journeyed to Walsh-Ellett.