Sewanee Satire

By Simon Boes 

Executive Staff

Sober sources confirmed Saturday night’s social gathering was “one for the record books.” Roughly 80 percent of the undergraduate population gathered the evening of Fall Party at Alpha Tau Omega for Joseph Foreman, who is more recognizable by his stage name “Afroman.”

Perhaps most famous for his 2000 hit song, “Because I Got High,” Afroman rocked the crumbling wooden stages and the attentive fans surrounding them. The Class of 2018 “remembers” Afroman’s arrival in 2014, when he entertained the crowd for hours and proceeded to go to Waffle House with a group of FIJIs.

Onlookers remarked a disturbance around 11:30 p.m. at the concert, when Afroman reached for a drink from his chalice. He then shouted in the microphone, “Awh no, which one of y’all took my pimp cup?” then ended his set.

Disappointed fans milled around on the ATO lawn and lamented until a man jumped on stage and yelled, “Let’s just go to Delt!” Spectators then journeyed to Delta Tau Delta for its “Rave for Diabetes.” Coincidentally, the Bacchus drivers were tipped $200.00 for a ride from ATO to Delt by an anonymous sophomore.

Charles “Chunky” Ragu (C’19), ATO social chair, explained, “The concert was spectacular, the rotation between the three songs Afroman knew and the only one we recognized was a real crowd pleaser.” Dixie Ticonderoga (C’20), PKE social chair, offered her opinion, “I just want to go to SNU.”

Many students’ friends from other schools and hometowns travelled to Sewanee to see the living embodiment of “Yea, Sewanee’s Right!” While Centre won on the football field, Sewanee won the social scene. An anonymous junior from Centre exclaimed, “What do you mean the society function starts at 9:30 a.m.?” Clarissa Carter, a sophomore from Vanderbilt mentioned, “I didn’t know they even made 32-ounce Smirnoff Ices.”

We can hope Afroman simply misplaced his “pimp cup” in his van, but many suspect it was christened with Natural Light the same night.