An ode to Brinner


by Mary Morrison

Shut up, Microsoft Word. “Brinner” is totally a word. Your red squiggly line of judgment won’t stop me from extolling the virtues of the greatest meal known to all mankind.

Who decided that eggs are only acceptable before noon? Who banished waffles to Sunday mornings before church or half-sober meals past midnight at Waffle House? Why is bacon, though universally acknowledged as the best meat product known to mankind, only a morning indulgence? Are mornings so terrible that they have to be brightened by the possibilities of pork products? I think not!

The great Ron Swanson (C’78) once perfectly summed up the greatest joys in life, “I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark- haired women and breakfast food.” Breakfast foods are delicious, but they need to break through years of discrimination. Why should we deny ourselves happiness? No longer should food be relegated to any time of day. I am calling for a full scale, food revolution.

I do not simply talk of grangers and egg and cheese wraps at the pub, but rather a nation, nay, species wide overhaul of our dietary choices. In short, I have a dream, that one day, food will not be judged by the time it has been traditionally eaten, but by its yumminess in my mouth.