Cool, calm, and reserved: Sewanee’s real A-teamer

by Conner Anderson

There is a popular old cliche that involves something about cream always rising to the top. This hackneyed phrase, undoubtedly well used for its applicability to real world scenarios, perfectly describes the situation of Sewanee’s own Jacob Zalewski (C‘16).

In truth, not much is known about Zalewski, also known as ‘Sir Saves A Lot,’ besides his inestimable skill set as a goalie on the soccer field. After talking briefly to several of his teammates, the consensus went something like this: shot, save, shot, shot, save, save, shot, save… Nick ‘Rocky Balboa’ Gideon (C‘16), another teammate, also said, “Wow man. Nobody’s better at catching balls than my boy Jake. That guy is gonna be a star.” For the sake of time, as well as paper, further elaboration does not seem necessary.

Now here’s the real kicker (note the pun). Despite Zalewski’s talents, as well as his hard earned respect on the team — as a sophomore, he is already a team captain (golden resume material) — ‘Sir Saves A Lot’ remains on the soccer reserve team. His position on this squad raises a troubling question: who really are the best athletes on the Mountain?

Rather than sinking into a lengthy diatribe on the injustice of the previously mentioned incongruity, it seems more fitting to ponder the question on a larger scale. There truly are no objective methods for separating the cream from the crop. Therefore, evaluating talent forever remains a purely subjective endeavor. This necessitates that the evaluator exercises impeccable judgement, free from any bias or outside influence. Only then can the true stars, like our favorite friend Jacob, truly shine.

Without a single doubt, the star that is ‘Sir Saves A Lot’ will not remain quelled under the Sewanee fog of athletic misevaluation. This misevaluation, surely the result of a short lived misjudgment — something unavoidable in the tricky realm of athletic assessment — will dissolve, and the wheel of fortune will place Zalewski at its precipice, allowing the Sewanee community to witness his beautiful body in motion.

A dear friend once told me, “Let me tell you something, buddy. The cream always rises to the top. And I’m about to show you the hot cream of athletic success.”

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